Eau de Parfum – A story of forgiveness (by sis Zabrina)

This story was published at the Shaw University Mosque website, North Carolina, USA

Bismillaah

As Salaamu ‘alaykum and peace to all,

Eau De Parfum – A Motivational Story about Forgiveness

That day I was with my adorable hyperactive 5 and 3 year old nephews. They were trying to demonstrate their ‘martial art’ skills which they have acquired from the free lessons courtesy of Ultraman, Power Rangers SPD, Ninja Turtles, Ben 10 and many other violent ‘fake superheroes gurus’ that they found on the cable’s cartoon channels.

While enthusiastically and willingly using each other as opponents, they kicked, wrestled, jumped, punched, pinned and joint-locked themselves with heads, hands and legs intertwined, much to my dismay.

But, I told myself not to worry too much. Boys being boys, I can’t expect them to play with the Barbie dolls I bought for their sister, can I?

More importantly, I know for sure that 95% of the time they would miss their ‘targets’! Yup, it was more like Let-me-kick-you-Mr. Air rather than Let-me- punch-this-enemy-person-who-somehow-looked-exactly-like-my-brother kinda thing. Alhamdulillaah for their impressive reflexes. 

Nevertheless, there is always this 5% chance that worries me. The probability of their martial arts demonstration turns ugly. And that day, this 5% happened.

Within a few blinks, both boys were in tears. Of course, instantaneously, both ‘warriors’ suddenly turned ‘lawyers’, pleading their case in front of the grand jury cum judge-ME!

Moments like this made me wish I had a CCTV. Seriously.

After kissing both injured ‘combatants’ of their wounds, I made them apologize to each other.

I remember this quote by Dan Heist who says,‘When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm’Before we proceed, I have to tell you that I am not too sure why Dan had used crow as an example. I mean, who on earth eats crow, right? Ohh… ok, don’t answer that. I know that he used the crow as a parable of mistakes, but, still….
But, then again, that’s not the point here.
The point is this. He is right, don’t you think so?So, while the crow is still warm (yuck!), I made my two ‘lawyers’ apologize, shake hands and hug. Within seconds, they are back chasing one another, running and giggling, ever so happily.Alhamdulillaah, phew…As I watched them continuing their brutal ‘air-attacks’, I can’t help but reflect on what had just happened.

SubhanAllah. I realized something. The wonderful lessons kids could teach us.

Not only that they easily accept each other’s apology, they bounce back and reconnect almost immediately. They don’t remember and retain the memory of who made the mistake, who started it, who was at fault. They just don’t.

To them, an apology is an apology. They start anew. They hit the reset button and all old memories gone forever. And they did it multiple times too. Over and over again. Even with the same person.

They made me think.

If only we adults are capable of being as gracious- apologize, say sorry, forgive, kiss and make up and press our reset buttons.

If only we can have such attitude, our world would be a much better place to live in. And a much simpler one too.

There is this one saying which I really loved because it has given me an excellent way of looking at things; it has humbled me and made me realize my position as a human being. Not that I think I am an alien!

It was said by Malik that ‘Isa ibn Maryam (as) used to say,

“Do not speak much without mentioning Allah because you will harden your hearts. A hard heart is far from Allah, but you do not know. Do not look at the wrong actions of people as if you were lords. Look to your wrong actions as if you were slaves. Some people are afflicted by wrong action and some people are protected from it. Be merciful to the people of affliction and praise Allah for His protection.” [In Muslim]

Do not look at the wrong actions of people as if you were lords…And be merciful to the people of affliction (of wrong action)….

Isnt that a powerful reminder? That is so true, right? We are advised not to look at the fault of others as if we are perfect, as if we have never done anything wrong, as if we are the supreme one.

Are we? Of course not, right? So, if we know that we are not perfect, why don’t we forgive others when they asked for it? If we know that we are not perfect, why do we think so snootily that they don’t deserve to be forgiven? If they apologize, why don’t we accept it? Do we dare to live in this world and not be forgiven by others for the mistakes we have done?

Here is a hint of why we should always apologize and forgive others, regardless who they are, regardless of how gigantic or tiny we think their mistakes are, regardless of wrong we think they are.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that,“Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2499)Every son of Adam makes mistakes… 
Yup, there you go. Every… that’s what he (peace be upon him) said. Every means each, all, entire and total. That includes me and you, my friends. You and me.So, we all make mistakes. It means at the very least, no matter how perfect we think we can be, or no matter how good we think we are, there is at the very least one time when we have slighted others, hurt others, damage others, wound them, upset them, snubbed them, offend others, rude to them, wronged them.Scary thought, right? Ever wondered how many people have we done wrong to? Do we even remember who they are?

Astaghfirullah…

And not only that, Prophet (peace be upon him) also said that the best are those who make mistakes are the ones who repent…

So, if someone apologize aka repent and regret his mistakes, but, we didn’t accept, aren’t we rejecting someone who Prophet (peace be upon him) said to be the best of mistake- doers?

Also, if we are the ones making mistakes to others, don’t we want to be considered as of the best too? If yes, then we should always repent, regret and apologize to the other person, don’t you think so?

Think about it…

Reflecting upon my self, I wondered, did I apologize to that person I wronged? How did I apologize? Do I do it like my nephews? Do I kiss and makeup immediately or I hold grudges still? Did I press my reset button? Did that person press his reset button? Do I do it with sincere heart? Was the apology from my heart or a mere lip service? Did the person receiving the apology accept it? Did he believe that I am really sorry? Did we manage to bring the sweetness back into the relationship after the apology?

Goodness, so many questions running thru my head right now…

Now, I ask myself this question. Ok, if I do wrong, I should apologize. And if someone ask for forgiveness, I must accept it.

But, what happen if someone does me wrong and don’t apologize?

Here is what Allaah said,

And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harshhearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). (Chapter Aal-e-Imran, 3: 159)

Allaah said that we should forgive them anyway. Pass over their faults… And then ask Allaah to forgive them, we ask- on their behalf.

Wow, that one instruction really caught me off guard.

Yes, can you imagine how Allah wants us to ask for the forgiveness of the person who wrongs us? Goodness, SubhanAllaah. 

Imagine the big heart Allaah wants us to have, my brothers and sisters. It is so not easy to do it, don’t you think so? Not for me anyway. That’s how weak I think I might be. We tend to remember and be upset, we tend to hold grudges, maybe become resentful, maybe even wanting to ‘pay-back’ to the person who wronged us… Astaghfirullah….

But, that’s not what Allah wants us to do. He wants us to forgive that person, and ask from Him to forgive the person who had wronged us. Can we be that person Allah wants us to be?

Just by thinking about it made me feel like I am about to have to walk up a huge mountain in front of me. Am I able to not only forgive the faults of others, but also to ask from Allah to forgive them?

But you know what? Allah is so Merciful and Most Kind. He knows how hard it is to do that. So, He has promised us something wonderful should we are able to follow His Words. Do you want to know the reward from Allah if we are able to do that?

Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

If one gives charity it does not diminish his wealth; if one forgives others, Allah bestows more honour on him; and if one humbles himself for Allah’s sake, He exalts him higher.’ (Muslims)

There you go… Fantastic, right? If we forgive others, Allah will reward us with more honor? Honor my friends, honor. How hard is it to get honor? Very hard, right? And He is going to bestow upon us just that, if we simply forgive others. Allaah, The Most Kind. Indeed, He is. Absolutely.

I asked myself, have I ever been so ridiculously silly that just because I don’t want to apologize I landed myself in a hotter soup? Have my ego became so huge that I cant even say sorry to another person? Have my head become so big that I think others are not worthy to say sorry to and not good enough to be forgiven? Have I behaved like a lord that looked down upon people who make mistakes instead of being merciful as how Allaah wants me to be? And have I pass an opportunity to receive honor as promised by Allah just because I allow the devil’s whisper to go into my head? Have I? Nauzubillah…

Astaghfirullaah, Astaghfirullaah, Astaghfirullaah…Forgive me my Lord… Forgive me for acting in such an unacceptable manner…

What about you my friends? Have you unknowingly rejected the opportunity to be given honor by Allaah?

Think about what we could have received from Him if only we adhere, if only we control our ego, if only we can learn from the children, if only we say sorry and accept the apologies of others…

I totally agree with Margaret Lee Runback when she said,

An apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.  

 
Let us all give each other the gift of perfumes, shall we? Let us all wrapped it up in the most beautiful wrapper, tie it with the loveliest ribbon and give the perfume by hand with the sincerest hearts and the most loving smile and say to the other person, “I am sorry…”
And if we are on the receiving end, let us hug, give them the sweetest smile and say ‘Its ok…’ when someone gives us the gift.

Let us all press our reset buttons now. Let us enjoy the exciting and pleasant smell of the new bottle of Eau De Parfum….

Lets!

Copyright © Sis Zabrina 2007

Sis Zabrina, Author
Life is an Open Secret – 18 Inspirational Stories from Ordinary life experiences
~Your Source for Islamic Motivational and Inspirational Stories~
http://wisdomthruwords.blogspot.com/